When the New Chapter Calls
Sometimes, when the sun hides away and the moon takes its place, I sit alone in my room. The gentle sound of the ceiling fan spinning keeps me company as I bury myself within the pages of my journal. As if coming up for air, I periodically gaze out of the window. My heart is still. My thoughts are a steady stream.
Mindlessly, I tap the pen against the paper. What I love about the past is all your favorite memories live there forever. They become fossilized in time even after you die. They may not matter anymore, but they happened. Those days existed and God allowed you to experience them. What I hate about the past is how it can haunt you. There are days I could swear it’s stalking me in the distance and whispering to me at night. I’ve heard it running on my heels. I’ve felt it reaching out to grab me. I used to go back and embrace the past because I thought it was a safe place. Many times, I’ve tried to live in something that was only meant to be a moment in time.
The truth is, if God has ushered in a new time of life and caused the seasons to change, then the past is not safe. In fact, you’re in danger of aborting a new mission. I ask myself, “Why would you want to stay anywhere that God has left? Why would you desire to live in a place that he was actually never in?” Last November, I decided I would let go and only move forward in every area of my life–-from romantic interests to professional endeavors, inner healing, risk taking, and everything in between. I committed to fully trusting God with myself and my life. Wherever he leads, that’s where I go. God wants us to live a free life. This means not having unhealthy attachments to places, people, things, ideas or desires. These attachments are often rooted in fear and can result in disobedience.
Historically, I was an anxious, dependent, hesitant kind of person. I lived in my head, often paralyzed by fear and overthinking. This caused me to cling tightly to my comfort zones and certain seasons of life. There was a false sense of security, but in reality, it was debilitating. I found myself unable to move on. I’m done with that life. I’m done hiding away beneath layers of security blankets. Now, I let God help me face the insecurities and limitations that kept me from embracing the present and the future. He is my teacher as much as he is my Father. I’m learning, unlearning, and stretching beyond familiar spaces. I have more capacity for change than I thought, and so do you. It’s a journey. There have been moments where I question if what I left behind is better than what lies ahead. Did I make the right decision? Will the pain and discomfort be worth it? Would things have been easier if I continued playing it safe?
There comes a time when you have to make peace with the questions and lay them to rest. Maybe you’ll get the answers along the way, maybe not. It’s OK to ask, but don’t get stuck there. Don’t try to make each chapter a permanent destination. Forward movement keeps you aligned with God’s plans. He is calling you to new assignments, a new community, new locations, new vision, new resources, and overall growth. Follow his timing and don’t be afraid. Actively go against the gravitational pull of burning questions and uncertainty. Yesterday may have been amazing, but it’s never wise to reject a move of God. He is always deeper, larger, and infinitely more than what we can imagine. Don’t trust in the seasons of life. Trust in the God of all seasons. There is purpose in everything he does, and that purpose often impacts other people. Our lives aren’t just about us. Life is an ocean and it’s calling you by name. Go for it.
